Psychologists estimate that yesterday you had about forty thousand thoughts. Try to remember at least ten of them that were useful to you. Two years ago in Vienna, my client I.S. and I had our first individual coaching session. She is a successful manager in her early forties. She wanted us to work on her plan to change jobs. Having set the goal, we moved on to the career puzzle. She asked me suspiciously if I had given her all the parts. After a few seconds, she said pensively: “This is useful. I always think something is missing. The story of my life.”
This is exactly what individual coachingis all about. A series of conversations about goals and actions. Lots of laughter and a few tears. The way and the need to be at ease with ourselves to think more clearly, see more widely, act meaningfully. A confirmation that everything is fine with us. The right to have, to be and to do whatever we want. Awareness that it is often quite enough to be good, despite the old adage that we must always be exceptional at all costs.
By definition, it is a conversation. Although, it is not a story telling time. Questions are real allies in the coaching process. They reveal our dramas, passions, abandoned plans. They show clearly what we care about, and what we could not care less about. They help catch those mosquitoes in our thoughts, that buzz and will not let us sleep. They wake us up for nights, months, years. And yet thoughts are much more resistant than mosquitoes, you will agree.
And what is a couch’s task? To help you tailor your life to fit you. Why? Well, because no one can know better than you what makes you feel comfortable and good. A couch’s task is to be your mirror in which your ideas, desires, dilemmas and plans reflect. To rejoice with you when you put words into action. The coach is characterised by a sincere interest in the client. Active curiosity. Neutrality and non-judgmentalism, regardless of whether he/she agrees with client’s choices. Full support in crisis situations. A clear message to clients that every success is solely their merit, because the end result of changes depends on the commitment, determination and willingness of those who want to change. Do you have the strength to change? What do you have in hand?
Relationships, desires and needs are changing, and so are careers, goals and habits. Changes is an integral part of our lives. They are often accompanied by feelings of fear and anxiety. Individual coaching helps you distinguish thoughts from emotions, habits from behaviours, values from skills. For coaching, a change is an opportunity, a chance, a possibility. Life gives us real opportunities every day. Individual coaching brightens them up and magnifies them. They so clear that you notice them, embrace them and make your conscious choice. It is a great feeling. Try it out!
